Calendar
On Tuesday I was looking at my free calendar from Lowes when I realized I had a custom made calendar in my desk. I ordered it from Shutterfly a few months back when they were 50% off. . . each month has a digital photo that I selected. I ordered the 18 month and had it start in May . . . I know that is weird and I have no reasoning behind it. When I made the calendar it made me sad because I did not have 18 photos of our family together. It is hard to believe that the only photos of the three of us are from the first five weeks of Colin's life and two weeks from Sean's R&R in the Summer of 2004. The rest of the photos are some of my favorite photos of Colin, Sean, me, or a mix of us.
I was so excited and proud that I remember the calendar. I hung it right by my desk. Later in the day I was sitting at the computer and looked to my right at the calendar . . . it was this photo . . .
. . . May 2006 . . . May is a hard month for me now. The last Monday of the month is Memorial Day. I must admit that this is no longer just a holiday or day off of work for us now. It is the day that for so many years I have taken for granted. Now, it is a day to remember Sean and so many others who have died while serving their country. For a few minutes I just stared very hard at the photo. I remember exactly when I took it. Colin and I were home for the summer in 2004 while Sean was in Iraq. I was trying to snap a photo for the 4th of July cards. Little did we know then that in 7 short weeks Sean would be standing under that same tree with us . . . six months later we would return to the same house to live for an unknown period and the photo of Sean holding Colin would be in newspapers across the country. I continued to stare at the date May 29 . . . for a split second it hit me that this was real and Sean really was gone. I don't have those moments very often but I think after 18 months it is all starting to become real. There are days I think he is still in Iraq . . . we are just hanging out in Texas until he finally comes home. I think when we move into our house someday it will be all too real. I had one lingering thought after staring at the photo . . . did Sean really die for our country or for Iraq? Does it matter if he truly believed he was doing good over there?
I was so excited and proud that I remember the calendar. I hung it right by my desk. Later in the day I was sitting at the computer and looked to my right at the calendar . . . it was this photo . . .
. . . May 2006 . . . May is a hard month for me now. The last Monday of the month is Memorial Day. I must admit that this is no longer just a holiday or day off of work for us now. It is the day that for so many years I have taken for granted. Now, it is a day to remember Sean and so many others who have died while serving their country. For a few minutes I just stared very hard at the photo. I remember exactly when I took it. Colin and I were home for the summer in 2004 while Sean was in Iraq. I was trying to snap a photo for the 4th of July cards. Little did we know then that in 7 short weeks Sean would be standing under that same tree with us . . . six months later we would return to the same house to live for an unknown period and the photo of Sean holding Colin would be in newspapers across the country. I continued to stare at the date May 29 . . . for a split second it hit me that this was real and Sean really was gone. I don't have those moments very often but I think after 18 months it is all starting to become real. There are days I think he is still in Iraq . . . we are just hanging out in Texas until he finally comes home. I think when we move into our house someday it will be all too real. I had one lingering thought after staring at the photo . . . did Sean really die for our country or for Iraq? Does it matter if he truly believed he was doing good over there?
posted by Heidi at 5/04/2006 08:56:00 AM
9 Comments:
Heidi - he died for this country, to protect us from future attacks. AND he died for the Iraqi people - so they can live their lives on their terms and not thru the dictatorship of a thug.
And speaking as a civilian citizen who lost a loved one on 9/11 - it does matter, very very much.
Heidi,
I will be chaperoning my 8th grade class to our annual Washington DC in a few weeks, and as part of our school's tradition, we will be laying a wreath at Arlington. I know Sean isn't there, (and no, we haven't met personally) but I want you to know that Sean has become so symbolic for me of what Arlington means, what it means to be a hero, what it means to be American. Through the words on your blog, you have touched my life in a profound way this year, and I want you to know that Sean's sacrifice, your sacrifice, Colin's sacrifice...mean so much--ah, those words sound so lame to me right now--so not-enough. But know that this year, for me, going to Arlington will be a sort of pilgrimage to say thank you to those who have given so much to defend the rights and liberties I enjoy everyday--and take for granted so often.
When you look at the pictures Sean took of the smiling Iraqi children, you must know that he accomplished something incredible over there. The pictures of women holding up their purple stained fingers, little girls going to school, the Iraqi people smiling and waving to our soldiers--to have given so much to make people free...that is a hero.
I'm sure that these words do little to comfort you for this big empty space in your life, but know that you and Colin are thought of often and prayed for, and that Sean will not be forgotten.
Much love,
Lara
Heidi,
What greater love has this than one who lays down his life for a friend? How about Sean, who made the sacrifice for strangers? Yes, Sean fought for us. He stood in the gap between Colin, Gabe, Asher, me, you, etc...and people who would harm us, to fight for us wherever the call was
Thank you Sean for what you did.
Thank you Heidi for bearing the burden of loss with such grace and keeping his name alive.
I was thinking about you and Sean when Thomas and I went to the military formal. The fallen soldier table never hit home until Sean died. There is no need for me to wear make up to these events because I cry thinking of Sean each time. Everyday is Memorial Day, Heidi. We all loved Sean, and we are here for you and Colin.
Personally, I think it does matter. Sadly, people die every day. They die from things like car accidents and heart attacks. Few of them die for something they believe in. Sean's life and death meant something, in my opinion. I think that matters a great deal.
Sean is an American HERO and so are you, sweet friend. We all owe you so much.
Can you remind us again where to send donations to Sean's memorial at A&M?
We love you and you are constantly in our prayers.
GODstxgirl
I think, if you had to actually say WHO Sean died for, it would be Colin. So that, hopefully...God willing, Colin will never HAVE to do what Sean did. He may choose to but hopefully he will never HAVE to.
Does that make sense?
That's how I view my husband's service. He's doing what he does and getting ready to deploy in the hopes that his children will never be forced to do the same.
- hfs
Hello,
I am a new army wife and this is my 1st deployment. My husband is in Bagdad. I am so scared of what our life would be like without him. Then I see people such as you and it makes it easier to handle the unknown. Because you show me how to keep going and keep him alive even if he is just oceans away. Thank you for your blog it has helped me prepare for the worst and live for the best. You are truly an american/military wife. Thank You for showing others the way.
As a father with a deployed son...and a Desert Storm veteran, I'd like to weigh in by saying he died doing what he thought was the right thing to do.
Whether you choose to believe that we're fighting this war to keep terror from our shores, for oil, or to set the Iraqi people free...Sean was doing what he thought he was good at and something to provide for you and Colin. He chose to serve in the armed forces charged to keep this nation free AND to support the national security strategy put together by the administration. Only history will be able to place our actions into perspective. I'm willing to be patient enough to see how it all turns out.
If Iraq can pull something less than a dictatorship out of the hat...I think that it's quite possible that it could become a model for other states in the region to emulate. If you look at where Lebanon is 20+ years after the chaos they went through, it's a possibility.
Back to being a soldier's parent...I think that maybe this is God's way of saying,
"See? This is what you put your parents through..."
Gen. George S. Patton said, "It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died. Rather we should thank God that such men lived."
I choose to disregard the first sentence as I have no right to tell people whether or not to grieve for their loved ones...but I do thank God each and every day that there are young men and women answering the call to duty.
See you on the high ground!
MajorDad1984
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