I don't really share much on here about my personal life . . . I started this blog to write down memories and feelings after I lost Sean so that I would forever have them on record. It is hard to believe it has been over 13 years since he died. Wow, just seems like forever ago but some days the memory feels as if it was yesterday. I try to keep things private, but I know people want me to be happy and have a happy life. I am sure some have suspected that I have moved forward and found love again. Yes, it is true. While it is something that I don't openly share, it was something that if asked would answer honestly. In fact over 8 years ago, I took the chance and it felt right. However over the years with any relationship there were challenges. Challenges we over came and some that were a constant struggle. We all meshed and got along and just had fun when we were together. It took me years to even consider getting married again . . . like years . . . but I got to that point and was ready. If this was going to happen a huge move across the ocean would be in order so plans were made and those involved were told of our plans. Everyone seemed on board . . . we made a school visit, submitted job applications, mentally prepared for the change, and then at the last minute someone had a change of heart with such a big move (not me or him) and it put everything that we had worked for in jeopardy and turned plans upside down. It was a very emotional roller coaster for me. I was devastated but knew that I had to take a step back as a parent and make a huge decision. I thought we would overcome the set back and find a compromise to make all three of us happy . . . BUT . . .
. . . here I am posting inspiration quotes. I am no fan of these 'feel good' quotes! In fact I heard so many after Sean died that I wanted to punch people when they told me stupid stuff like
it was God's plan or
he's in a better place! Ummm yeah not what I need or want to hear people.
I know what it feels like to love and forever miss that person being a part of your life. I thought I was blessed to find someone that was the one again, but he has made the decision to move on with his life without us. So basically, I got dumped. They always say
it will all work out in the end, but that doesn't make the sadness in my heart any less . . . it felt like it was right but apparently it was not . . . 8 years and I am left alone again!
3 Comments:
Heidi, I've been following your blog for quite a few years. I enjoy reading about all your travels. I'm so sorry about your relationship. I have been a widow for almost 11 years. I did remarry in 2013 but it didn't last 2 years. He wasn't who I thought he was and in the end didn't accept my sons, even though this was never a problem before marriage. I can't say I have regrets, because I know I learned from it, but I know what you mean because I too am alone again. I don't have any inspirational quotes... but hang in there! :)
Just now reading this. I am so sorry for your heartbreak. Once in life should be enough, but things happen. I hate it that Colin is hurting so much, too.
My son is marrying for the 2nd time on the 24th. He has stepson he loves. I wish you had that for Colin. My new step grandson is 19 but they have know each other since he was 12 and he told me several years ago he was just going to start thinking of him as his stepdad and hope they sometime got married. Well they are.
I wish this could turn around for you. I have followed you and Colin for many, many years. All the way really since you were so shattered. You have done well, you will do well again, but time lost can never be made up. All I can say is sorry.
Ruth H
Heidi, I am one of the people who wondered/hoped/couldn't imagine you hadn't found love with another person. I am so sad for you that it didn't work out. It sounds like you had to make a hard decision/choice as a parent. I can't imagine how hard it is to try to honor both what Sean would have wanted for you and what you feel his son should have. You have done an amazing job raising Colin to be a gentleman and to know his father, and my heart aches that you weren't able to make the life changes that you wanted at this time. Your last sentence in this post makes me so sad. In your strong and positive way, you do seem to be making the best of everything, and I send you zillions of warm wishes for much happiness!
~Sue K.
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