Long Time No Blog
Wow, long time no blogging! I don't really know where to begin so this will probably be super long. I spent most of the Christmas holiday unpacking boxes . . . how do two adults accumulate so much stuff, okay how did I get so much stuff? It was good for me to do this by myself . . . it brought back so many wonderful memories since I met Sean in 1994. I managed to get that task behind me quickly. I still have a few big pieces of furniture to move but each time we plan 'the move' it rains . . . so we are not planning any more. It will happen sooner or later. Then it was the sit and wait game for the installers and delivery people. It was nice because it gave me some time just me in the house alone which was overwhelming to say the least. I love the house but it just doesn't feel like a home. Maybe in time it will but the verdict is still out. Last Thursday, my parents and I were doing some chores around the house when the doorbell rang. I went to the door and opened it . . . my eyes became fixated on a legal size brown envelope. The guy could have had a gun and I would have not noticed . . . here is our conversation.
Me: Hi (eyes still on envelope)
Guy: Are you Heidi Sims?
Me: Yes (becoming more concerned since I had no clue who this guy was)
Guy: I work with 'G/J' and wanted me to make sure you got these papers
Me: (deer in headlight look . . .pure silence and my brain is spinning out of control . . . I could not remember doing anything illegal but was I 'being served' . . . I was in a total brain freeze when he said he worked with 'G/J' because I thought of my friend who sometimes works in Waco/Crawford . . . holy cow did he find out something about Sean's death and want me to read it? By this time the guy realizes I have no clue who he is )
Guy: Heidi, I work with Geri the appraiser and here are three copies of your house appraisal.
Me: OH, thank you. Do you want me to pay you?
Guy: If you can?
Me: (I am running around still confused and of course I just wrote the last check to the cable guy.)
Guy: That's okay just come by the office. Have a good day!
So now I must go by the office and see this guy again who must think I am super CRAZY!
Let's see what else? I did watch Shootout on the History Channel. I need to watch it again and decide what I think. I am not saying I am unhappy but it is somewhat of a blur. I did enjoy watching and learning more about the others on the show but as I watched about Sean I just could not believe that was my Sean . . . and those stupid orange sunglasses. It was hard to watch that scene in the kitchen . . . was just heartbreaking . . . I almost felt like I was there. I will leave my thoughts to myself because it was just to personal and close to home.
Colin turned 3! Our baby is no longer a baby to most but in my eyes he will always be my baby boy! The Sims family came to visit him a few days before his birthday. FINALLY! I mean they have not really talked to him since we visited in early November. I don't know why I let the little things they do (or don't do) bother me . . . you would think about 12+ years of knowing them I would be used to it but they still rub me the wrong way.
Those Christmas Cards did not happen . . . I wanted to but just continued to put it off day after day. I was hoping that after last years depressing card that life would be more cheerful this year but it wasn't. I am sure no one wanted to read that sort of message again and be in tears during the holiday season. I LOVED seeing everyone's family and reading what you have been up to this year, but it also brought me saddness that my life is still in a rut. As I read each letter I would imagine where Sean and I would be living if he was still alive . . . where would we be preparing to move? Would we have another baby Sims yet? I know I am living in a dreamer's world but I just long to be happy, really happy. I try to stay optimistic but I still don't know how yet . . .
Blogging . . . I have been busy moving but have also not had much to write about. I have had time but I guess I sort of 'fell of the blogging wagon' but hope to get back in the saddle soon. Life is just life and nothing to write about but THANKS for all those who write daily and keep me going.
Have you read about the Army sending out letters to ask soldiers to think about joining up again? Did you see where they sent them to many officers that had been Killed in Action? Well, I haven't checked the mail in a week but had a message to immediately call the Department of the Army. Of course, I haven't but will try later today. I think I will tell them to sign Sean up if it will bring him back to life and I can meet them at the cemetery in one hour . . . I will be more than happy to dig him up if that is what it takes to get him back!
Well, off to do something . . . not sure what but something. Happy 2007 Blogging Buddies . . .
Me: Hi (eyes still on envelope)
Guy: Are you Heidi Sims?
Me: Yes (becoming more concerned since I had no clue who this guy was)
Guy: I work with 'G/J' and wanted me to make sure you got these papers
Me: (deer in headlight look . . .pure silence and my brain is spinning out of control . . . I could not remember doing anything illegal but was I 'being served' . . . I was in a total brain freeze when he said he worked with 'G/J' because I thought of my friend who sometimes works in Waco/Crawford . . . holy cow did he find out something about Sean's death and want me to read it? By this time the guy realizes I have no clue who he is )
Guy: Heidi, I work with Geri the appraiser and here are three copies of your house appraisal.
Me: OH, thank you. Do you want me to pay you?
Guy: If you can?
Me: (I am running around still confused and of course I just wrote the last check to the cable guy.)
Guy: That's okay just come by the office. Have a good day!
So now I must go by the office and see this guy again who must think I am super CRAZY!
Let's see what else? I did watch Shootout on the History Channel. I need to watch it again and decide what I think. I am not saying I am unhappy but it is somewhat of a blur. I did enjoy watching and learning more about the others on the show but as I watched about Sean I just could not believe that was my Sean . . . and those stupid orange sunglasses. It was hard to watch that scene in the kitchen . . . was just heartbreaking . . . I almost felt like I was there. I will leave my thoughts to myself because it was just to personal and close to home.
Colin turned 3! Our baby is no longer a baby to most but in my eyes he will always be my baby boy! The Sims family came to visit him a few days before his birthday. FINALLY! I mean they have not really talked to him since we visited in early November. I don't know why I let the little things they do (or don't do) bother me . . . you would think about 12+ years of knowing them I would be used to it but they still rub me the wrong way.
Those Christmas Cards did not happen . . . I wanted to but just continued to put it off day after day. I was hoping that after last years depressing card that life would be more cheerful this year but it wasn't. I am sure no one wanted to read that sort of message again and be in tears during the holiday season. I LOVED seeing everyone's family and reading what you have been up to this year, but it also brought me saddness that my life is still in a rut. As I read each letter I would imagine where Sean and I would be living if he was still alive . . . where would we be preparing to move? Would we have another baby Sims yet? I know I am living in a dreamer's world but I just long to be happy, really happy. I try to stay optimistic but I still don't know how yet . . .
Blogging . . . I have been busy moving but have also not had much to write about. I have had time but I guess I sort of 'fell of the blogging wagon' but hope to get back in the saddle soon. Life is just life and nothing to write about but THANKS for all those who write daily and keep me going.
Have you read about the Army sending out letters to ask soldiers to think about joining up again? Did you see where they sent them to many officers that had been Killed in Action? Well, I haven't checked the mail in a week but had a message to immediately call the Department of the Army. Of course, I haven't but will try later today. I think I will tell them to sign Sean up if it will bring him back to life and I can meet them at the cemetery in one hour . . . I will be more than happy to dig him up if that is what it takes to get him back!
Well, off to do something . . . not sure what but something. Happy 2007 Blogging Buddies . . .
posted by Heidi at 1/08/2007 11:52:00 AM
11 Comments:
I wondered if you had gotten one of those letters. What a stupid mix-up, Army!
Heidi, if as you say you want to be happy, really happy, then you will be. You want it which is a good step in the right direction - and it may not take as long as you may think. Life throws us curveballs all the time, as you well know. Maybe it's time for the next curveball in your life to go in the right direction for you.
Heidi, Good to see you back. I always hated moving because it took so long to feel like home, but it will...:)
glad you are in the new house!! Anxious to see photos
Heidi,
I wish the best for you and colin. We only knew each other through school(you were my sn Jonathans teacher) but I think of you often and pray for you daily. Good luck on your new house. I hope it feels like home soon...it takes a while sometimes. cant wait to see picts. take care and god bless you both.
Heidi,
I did not watch shootout wither but my husband did. We have a friend that burned it from his Tivo on to a disc. Do you want a copy? And don't worry about your house not feeling like a home. I have been here 10 months and I still do not consider it my home. It will.....in time.
Yay for moving in! I imagine that it's going to feel weird for quite some time. I liked the picture of your new refrigerator. It's exactly what I would pick....someday when I get a kitchen that's not stuck in 1958. (And not a good '58, either)
Happy Birthday to Colin! The big 0-3. My daughter just turned 2. It's been such a big year, I can only imagine how different she'll be by her next birthday.
I LOVE your plan for dealing with the Army if they called to ask Sean to reup. Can you tape-record it??
peace Heidi
i hope to write more soon.
been out of state since last Friday.
for now, i just wanted to encourage ya & even thank ya for keeping some things personal. its a lot just for ya to say that you will keep something to yourself, whereas I wouldn't haven't even thought about it if you hadn't mentioned it. one of my favorite random little verses is when it talks about, "Mary treasured these things in her heart."
i also have a quote by Julian of Norwich to send another time.
God bless.
It's good to hear from you. I was wondering about the house and your move in. I can't wait to see some photos. Looking forward to hearing from you throughout 2007.
T
Yeah you are moving/moved in! I hope it feels like home soon. I think they are right that as soon as Colin leaves his mark it will be home.
Dear Heidi,
It's good to have you back! Moves can be difficult, and just because it's YOUR house and you chose everything for it, doesn't make it feel like HOME right away. We were transferred a lot when our kids were young. Sarah lived in six houses and five cities in thirteen years. We'd move, Jack would go to work, the kids would go to school, and I'd sit at home and cry every few days! I learned that hanging pictures, arranging furniture, etc., actually helped to make it my "home." Some of my walls looked like I had had target practice because I'd hang pictures and change my mind. The holes were easily concealed, and no one ever knew! This is new territory for you, but I know how strong you are. Maybe letting Colin take part in decorating or arranging his room will help him. It's common for him to want to go to his Papa's house; that's the only home he's old enough to remember. We're all thinking of you and want the best for you. It will come.
Sarah's Mom
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