gulp

I have been trying to get my pictures organized . . . it is a never ending battle but since today is 'my day' it was something I needed to start. At the bottom of the drawer were the proof sheets from Sean's funeral. I have had them for over 3 years and just now really looking at them . . . sort of hard to believe what we are doing in them. And then there is Colin; what a baby he was with his fat cheeks . . . can't believe he was only 10 months old and now he is 4 . . . I would have never guessed we would have made it this far.

It has been really hard for me lately. I guess the realization is starting to sink in. I can't believe it took three years for me to realize this . . . I don't want to realize it or accept it. I know I say that a lot but he has really been on my mind lately. I think of him often or something will remind me of him but I still have a hard time grasping that he will never come home to us. When I went to bed last night, I thought about how crappy it was that I am living this life . . . always alone and no one to help out with Colin. Just last night I had another dream that woke me up at 3 and could not go back to sleep because it was so real. Of course I can't remember the details now.

Okay back to the pictures . . .