Lost Passion
I have not been blogging much lately. It seems that all I do is post Travel Trivia photos. I guess I am still looking for my inspiration, but I just don't feel like I have much to write about lately. Maybe soon it will come to me.
I feel I lost myself when Sean died. I had a happy marriage, a healthy baby boy, great friends, and a wonderful job but life as I knew it was over; it all ended. I have not felt like myself in 23 months. I have even stopped watching my favorite shows like Amazing Race and Survivor. I only watch one show, Project Runway (I liked 3 of the 4 finalist and the one I didn't like won, aarrrggghhh). Last night I was watching the season finale and it hit me . . . I don’t have a passion. As I watched the four finalist talk about their designs I realized that they all have a passion for what they are doing. I need to find something that I just feel great about doing. I do love teaching and do feel good about it but is it my real passion? I think part of having a happy life is doing something you love . . . once we get settled in the new house I think I will start doing some deep searching for myself and my passions.
I feel I lost myself when Sean died. I had a happy marriage, a healthy baby boy, great friends, and a wonderful job but life as I knew it was over; it all ended. I have not felt like myself in 23 months. I have even stopped watching my favorite shows like Amazing Race and Survivor. I only watch one show, Project Runway (I liked 3 of the 4 finalist and the one I didn't like won, aarrrggghhh). Last night I was watching the season finale and it hit me . . . I don’t have a passion. As I watched the four finalist talk about their designs I realized that they all have a passion for what they are doing. I need to find something that I just feel great about doing. I do love teaching and do feel good about it but is it my real passion? I think part of having a happy life is doing something you love . . . once we get settled in the new house I think I will start doing some deep searching for myself and my passions.
posted by Heidi at 10/19/2006 08:15:00 AM
6 Comments:
Heidi--
Be gentle with yourself. You've been hit with a huge, life-changing blow. You'll always love and miss Sean, but you will find joy again, and yes, a passion for a life you love. But it takes time. Remember he is watching over and loving you through this--and cheering you on. :)
Hugs and blessings,
L
Heidi - I think we all go thru this more than once in our lives - especially women. And certainly losing a much beloved husband would put you on this road. But it too shall pass; you'll start to find your new self and a new life's passion will come from that.
You've come so far in such a short time - don't ask too much of yourself.
Heidi - I can't imagine what your life is like. And I think because we've never met, sometimes, because of all your beautiful photos and stories about your life now, I forget all that you have lost and how short a time ago it was. But you know what? Colin is your passion. Sean's legacy is your passion. I'd say those are two of the most important passions you can have.
Heidi, I think it's natural for everyone to seek a passion. I'm not quite sure what mine is either...I think about it all the time though. :)
Heidi,
Definitely take some time to figure out what you can be passionate about. Find something you love. I have an audiobook downloaded called The Passion Test. I haven't listened to it yet, but it is supposed to be about finding the passion in your life. I wonder if that book, or something similar would help.
I know that I wouldn't make it through life if I didn't have that thing I loved that I could spend time doing. It's a sanity saver. You definitely need. one.
a quote i read recently: "purpose produces passion"
sometimes its difficult to find passion, when its more of an effect than a cause for some or in some situations.
random encouragement for the moment inspired by your blog:
even though you died somewhat in Sean dying, know that Sean lives in you & the greatest manifestation of that is Colin. its all that you were 'one'
stay close to God & you're never far from you...even if you don't feel close to Him, know that He is close to you.
i'm learning so much--so is everyone else who is blessed to receive what you're sharing with us
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