Birthday

. . . another birthday has come and gone. He would have been 35 today. I tried to explain to Colin last night that today was daddy's birthday. I asked him where his daddy lived and he told me something crazy and just laughed. I always try to get him to understand that he is in heaven. He told me, "No, he not. He in city!" I told him we would do something special when I picked him up from school . . . speaking of school . . . today was the first day for students but not mine so I might want to just go sleep!

Happy Birthday Sean!

Finale

I watched the season one finale of Army Wives . . . not a good ending if you ask me. I thought they did a good job showing the deployment send off . . . it really reminded me of Sean's leaving for Iraq. We knew he was going but he was only suppose to go for a few month but on Monday, February 9, he was told he was going the entire deployment and taking command of a company. Man, that was a hard dinner time topic to break to your wife and new baby. He was gone on Thursday . . . did not really have time for it to sink in. I still find it a hard lump to swallow.
I thought a lot about deployments after the show ended. I don't know if I could do it after being away from the Army for almost 3 years. A deployment is just something you can't imagine, describe, or understand until you have done it . . . I think about our friends who are deployed and those left at home.

Someday . . .

Oh how this would be so exciting! One can always dream, right?

Hiiiiiggggghhh Ho

It's off to school I go. I am ready to get back into a routine. I tell you the boy has sure made this transition very difficult by not wanting to go to 'school'. He has been going a few days each week during the summer but he is less than happy about that too. The last couple of weeks he has had a very difficult time and the teacher has to pry him off me while I make a mad dash for the door as he screams, "I want my mommy." Oh, breaks my heart to hear him crying. I thought it would get better but it hasn't. He tells me the entire drive, "I don't want to go to school!" I have had to deal with this the entire summer. Man, he is going to hate real school. I told him that if I quit work then he will not get prizes but it doesn't work either. He is such a homebody.

best buy?

Tonight I got a call from Best Buy. The Geek Squad was calling to let me know that someone decided to do a replacement of the kaput portable DVD player. I just needed to bring in all the accessories and a receipt (which I can't find) but if I can't find it they will look it up. Oh how nice of them because I am not going to knock myself out trying to find it . . . you know I put it somewhere that I would not forget and of course I have no clue. I know it is somewhere and it will drive me crazy.

last time

Three years ago Sean put us on a plane at DFW for our trip back home to Germany . . . the next day he would head back to Iraq. It seems like yesterday that the boy was just a baby . . .
. . . we were so looking forward to the deployment ending so we could be a family again, sigh.

While I was looking for a photo to post, I found many short video chips Sean made . . . go here to check them out! Talk about putting a smile on my face . . . he is so proud of his baby.

Recall and Warranty

A few months ago the maker of Thomas the Train had a recall. Well, we boxed up 8-9 items on the list. We took them to the "office" (what the boy calls the post office) and sent them back to Trainland. Of course he asks about them everyday . . . yesterday we finally got our free gift, which we did not have, for the hassle. I was like what the heck because I sent back almost $200 in recalled trains. I read the letter stating they were working on replacing them and a check would be sent for the postage . . . so wasn't expecting to get my money back on postage. We will continue to wait . . .

I also dropped by Best Buy . . . I hardly ever buy anything there because I think they are overpriced . . . because the portable DVD player wasn't working all the time and the hinge was broke. I also never buy extended warranties but when I bought it there was a lady telling me that it is the best thing because when it breaks they give you a new one since it usually cost more to fix. Hey, great deal since the last one lasted about 12 months and the current one is about 12 months old too. I walked in expecting to get a brand new one but oh no that wasn't the case. Why am I so unlucky? They changed the policy . . . should have been grandfathered . . . and now they send them out . . . what the heck! I told the girl that was not what I was told when I bought this just a year ago . . . she sent me to the Geek Squad. and I repeated at least two times that this was not what I was told and did he know how miserable life would be without it (not really but I thought the drama might help) . . . so off it is for two weeks. The slightest thing goes wrong and I am back there. I should have asked for the manager but I was drained since I had a blood draw that day . . . I just let it be but next time . . . because I am sure it will break again with our past history . . . they better watch out! And it is not Colin breaking it because he doesn't touch it . . . why do they build things to only last for a short time?

Beach

We just returned from a day at the beach and visiting family. The boy just loves the ocean and waves.

Before we left town our street had a block party for National Night Out . . . 100% of our street was there! It was nice getting to know everyone even if I am the 'baby' of the block. I would not hesitate to go knock on any of my neighbors' door if I needed something. We even had the fire department and police chief stop by too! Colin loved the fire truck and I was worried he would put a ding in it since he was riding his tricycle as close as possible.

What I Miss

Now I never thought I would miss the Army way of life . . . where to live . . . who to be friends with . . . blah blah blah. Well I do. So here are three things I truly miss . . .

--I LOVED the adventure of moving to new places and meeting new people! Yes, even the crazy folks too. There was always someone there to say hello or how can I help.

--The ceremony and rituals . . . how do you explain the camaraderie (is that right?) that goes along? I mean I sometimes did not want to go to a Hail and Farewell but looking back they were fun and throw in food and drink and you can't go wrong! Need I mention the pride that goes along with a Change of Command.

--Travel . . . won't go there because I will become sad but heck I saw a big part of Europe thanks to Uncle Sam.

So I managed to keep it at 3! The Army way of life is just hard to explain . . . it sort of reminds me of trying to explain being an Aggie . . . from the outside looking in, you can’t understand it. From the inside looking out, you can’t explain it!

Army Wives

Oh where to begin . . . I have been a faithful watcher of the Lifetime series. I watched the first episode while on vacation in Kansas . . . the kids were all in bed and the wife and I sat and watched. We laughed a lot and we compared all the characters to the real Army Wives we knew. It was funny. In the back of my mind I wondered if an Army wife in my shoes would be introduced . . . how would they figure her into the show? What would her story be? In fact as of tonight there have been two.

I did not know if I would like the show. I do not consider myself an Army Wife or even an Army Widow but just me . . . actually I don't know what I consider myself. I do know that my 6+ years of living the Army way of life were some of the best years of my life and regardless of all the stereotypes I had a great marriage and great friends in both ranks. I do like how they show enlisted and officer wives hanging out and in fact I did that just about every Friday night while the guys were deployed. I don't like how it portrays some but overall I realize it is an entertainment show.

So tonight I wanted to cry(happy) when Claudia Joy mentioned her wife (Hannah) was coming to town for a Rose Garden Memorial dedication. It was 'me' being introduced into the story line. As her story developed I could not help to think about my situation and the circumstances of Sean's death. I have talked to so many people and while most have the same story there are some aspects that are really different and it just causes me to question more. I put it on the back burner but someday I will pick it up and find out the whole truth. It is just a minor detail that bothers me and I discuss this with no one not even family. In my heart I know he died from insurgent fire but honestly it has crossed my mind of it being friendly fire. There is absolutely no indication of that anywhere but when your husband is killed in that environment anything is possible. If I was in Hannah's shoes I would do the exact same thing because not knowing is so painful. The unknown is unbelievable. I want to know EVERY detail no matter how small. I was sad to see that Claudia Joy's husband made her boot her friend because of her "obligation to the Army" . . . oh crap he did not just say that did he? I would be crushed if the wife did that to me but would understand, right? The other thing that bothered me was Marilyn saying that Hannah was only testifying "to get attention." Oh she did not say that did she? What an idiot! I have avoided the press like the plague . . . I didn't do interviews and still don't. I did one phone interview that caused me a great deal of stress and decided no more. No matter what you do to protect your husband's memory and dignity there is always someone out there trying to destroy it and make more out of something. Oh I think this is going to be long . . .

When Hannah decided to show up at the Memorial dedication, I could so feel myself . . . without the press of course. The eyes of her fellow Army Wives were so empty and sad. I felt this so many times when I was in Germany . . . whether it was sitting outside the travel agency trying to get tickets home to Texas, getting that new ID card a week after Sean was killed, shopping at the PX for something stupid like soap, sitting at the food court with the wife having one last Chicken Gyro from the Greek guys, or approaching the tent for the gym dedication and 1ID memorial. The sadness in others wives was so obvious. I guess I did the same thing though. I was once at the PX when another wife/widow was back in town to pack out . . . she was walking with a friend I knew. I did not know what to say so I just turned and went another direction. How horrible I feel now because she is so nice but you just never know what to say or do unless you have been there.

I thought it was funny when Joan and Roland went on a picnic and he pulled out the journal he wrote in while they dated. I did that too and when I am home I read it from time to time . . . so funny but I wrote in there that I just knew Sean was the one after we went on a date or two. I know there must be more about this episode that hit home but can't remember right now.

I like the show but I don't think it truly represents all military spouses. Yes, some of the gossip and back stabbing happens, but I had a positive experience as an Army Wife and oh how I miss it. I get a little jealous when I read some of the blogs of other wives I know . . . after all they are living the life I should still be living . . . moving to post I should be living . . . stressing over deployments . . . changes of command . . . promotions . . . oh how I miss those days. I guess for now I will have to just live through others.

bored

Today I was all alone with nothing to do. Well, nothing that I really wanted to do but I do have a list of must do things but they can wait like mop the floors. I got this crazy idea to go look at new cars. I don't need a new car but the Avalon is over 7 years and the thought has crossed my mind. So I pulled into the local Toyota dealership which I have swore I would NEVER buy a car from them after they tried to totally rip me off when we returned to the US in 2004.
Side story: I knew the car needed some new front rotors so took it to them for a double check . . . I had been hard on my brakes and they were used often on the Autobahn. Anyway, it took them over 24 hours to look at it "because there was so much damage and things that needed repaired." I was thinking it would cost maybe $200 tops because that is what it cost me last time. The final estimate was over $2000 . . . they basically said I needed just about everything new because it was just awful and there was evidence it had been in a snowy environment and the salt used on the roads caused major rust. Oh really that is interesting because Germans don't use salt on their roads because it harms the environment . . . I was more than a little mad and told them thank you for your time but don't ever expect my business. Of course I did use them to repair the bumper because the cargo company damaged my bumper but the government was paying for that one.

Back to my look at a new ride . . . I expected to be 'attacked' by a salesperson before I could get out of my car. I already had my lines worked out since I role-played a conversation on the way there. I know I AM crazy! I looked for the car I wanted to see and could not find it. I saw a salesman and asked him if they had that car. He told me yes and pointed me in the right direction. He said he had to make a phone call and would be back in a minute to answer any questions. Great, he was going to leave me alone for a bit and be back in a minute or two to unlock. WRONG! For over 10 minutes I looked in the window and not one single person asked if he/she could help me. I was shocked and a little bothered since it was hot and I wanted to sit and see the inside. I gave up on Joe and could see him walking around inside the dealership . . . phone call, whatever. Now I am torn if I should go back . . . the closest other Toyota dealership is over 40 miles. Man, this is Sean's job . . . he was so good about what he would pay for the last car and did not budge one donllar . . . he was willing to walk away and wait for them to call us wanting our business . . . and they did less than a day after we walked out.

Oh and as for the repairs . . . I got a second opinion and it cost me about $100. What jerks they were trying to rip me off . . . aaarrrgggghhh