always remembering . . .

It is that day . . . the day that forever changed our lives . . .

I was just going to link to what I wrote last year but did not even blog about this day the last two years.  I must say it sure isn't because I wasn't thinking about the magnitude of changes that occurred in our lives on that day.  I still find it incredibly difficult to grasp the painful news that greeted me when I opened my front door.  They say it gets easier with time and in some aspects it gets easier to deal with the day to day hustle and bustle of life, but then I look into the eyes of our child and realize that aspect will never get easier . . . knowing that Colin will never understand what it was like to have his father in his life as a young boy is just heart numbing . . . hearing him comment last Friday as I dropped him off at school saying, "if Daddy was alive he could come to school with me today in his uniform for the Veterans Day Sing Along."  Yes, those comments are like a knife in my heart.  All I could do was softly say, "Yes, buddy he sure would be there if he could. Try to have a good day."  While my heart hurts for not having Sean here to raise our son together and experience the ups and downs of life, I can not imagine what goes through Colin's head and heart.  How sad it is that he has never known what it is like to have a father . . . he misses him even if he never really had the experience of being around him.  So while we remember today what we lost and what we never really had too . . . it is just another day for us . . . we remember each and everyday. 

I can not believe 8 years have come and gone.

THANK YOU for all the thoughtful emails and messages today . . . nice to know so many still remember.

always playing catch up

So it has been a long, long time since I have posted here . . . honestly not much exciting or boring goes on in our lives these days.  Of course Colin was pumped about Halloween this week, I guess it is THE 'holiday' that kids really look forward to these days.  Speaking of Halloween, no big teaser this year about his costume, and I must admit is brought me great sadness.  I have always loved planning, sewing, and putting it all together and sadly this year my little boy decided he had his own plans.  I want him to make his own decisions but darn it I really loved doing this each year.  I let him decide what he wanted to be, and we already had all the pieces . . .

  

. . . he was so thrilled with his idea and had a great time Trick-or-Treating.  I guess that is what matters the most!